another study hall... starting to get the hang of this

Not much to note about this day except that I did notice some improvements in the way I related to students.

Instead of that weirdly anxious, codependent urgency to be perceived as understanding and nice, I was able to be kind but firm, which is really what I'm aiming for.

For example, a student came in just before the bell rang and said, "My friend's having a crisis in the hall, can I just go talk to her for a moment?"

I shrugged and replied, "You'll be marked tardy. It's up to you." (This is the "Love & Logic" [http://www.loveandlogic.com/] technique I learned--tell the student what you're going to do and allow them to decide what they're going to do, instead of trying to force them to do what you want, a struggle that is often lost and always exhausting).

She paused and considered for a moment, then nodded and said, "Okay," and went back out the door.

About two minutes after the bell rang she returned, and sat down immediately to get to work. I'd asked all the other students what they were working on and offered help if they needed it, so I went over to her, but first said, "I hope your friend is okay?"

"Yeah," she said, sighing a dramatic teenager sigh. "See, she has lots of problems at home, so I support her, and I have lots of problems at school, so she supports me."

I know that during my student teaching at the alternative high school, I would have tried to be all sympathetic and helpful and perhaps gotten into a long conversation with the student.

But instead, I simply said, "It's good to have someone you can talk to when you need to.... Now, what are you going to be working on today?" She nodded at the first statement and responded to the question, and we exchanged a few more words about her assignment, and then she got to work on it.

I felt good about the interaction because it was kind, but maintained the boundaries--both the interpersonal boundary between myself and the student, and the boundary between work in the classroom and life outside it.

I felt that I provided what she most needed from me, personally--support in getting her schoolwork done. She may have needed many other things in her life, but not necessarily from me.

I also felt that I applied that kindness/firmness thing well with another student who tried to be disruptive and combative. She ended up taking the pass and wandering out of the room, which really is just palming the problem off on someone else (the hall monitor, her social worker) but in my position as a sub, that's all I think I can really do.

In other words, I did succeed in maintaining a safe, quiet environment in the room.... combative, disruptive behavior makes most other students uncomfortable, and the teacher's ability to handle it makes them feel safe.

Right? Uh.... right, I think so anyway........

I hope I never stop asking those questions.... I'm afraid I will though... get tired and stop questioning.