apologies that cannot be apologized

Today we had a fire drill. Well, it was an accidental fire drill, apparently because somebody smelled something. I was really angry, actually, because the students' disorganized dash downstairs was much more dangerous than this putative smell.

After trying to get my kids to stand silently in two lines outside in the sun for ten minutes, I decided it was both futile and pointless to continue to try (combatting, among other things, their absolute conviction that dragonflies not only bite but will drain blood from you until you pass out) and allowed them to start dancing (I spend most of my time trying to stop them from dancing... I feel like a bad teen movie plot). (The big dance right now is "Soldier Boy." Google the lyrics. It's f##king depressing.)

Anyway. So after we got outside, I realized that in my attempt to stop students from trampling each other to death on the stairs, I had totally forgotten about my student who uses a wheelchair. I exclaimed, "oh my god, where's ______?!?!?!" The class told me that one of the assistant principals had taken care of her. I felt both relieved and mortified.

When I got back upstairs, this student was waiting for us in the classroom. I just looked at her. She just looked at me. There was absolutely nothing to say. "Sorry I abandoned you to a fiery death" is just an apology that cannot be made.

Weird eh.