changes

what a week! .... three of my girls attacked one of my boys with a
belt (swinging the buckle) before school a couple days ago... the admin
transferred them out of my class.... (I heard thru the grapevine that
the security guard, who knows all the kids well, went to the principal
on the second day of school and told her she had put all the toughest
kids in the new teacher's class and they better move some of them
outta there! lol).

but now the admin are coming down on me... i'm so tired i can hardly
stand up... my boss threatened my job yest which just pissed me off, i
wanted to say, 'look, i may be a newer teacher than you but i've been
a boss before and u don't threaten ppl's job the first time you talk
to them about a problem - it fucks up morale and makes them
disengage." i decided all they know how to do is threaten, and it
doesn't mean anythiing, but it does kinda suck some energy out of
me....

still lovin the kids, they are awesome. one of the girls that was
moved out, keeps coming up to me and giving me hugs. she was my fave
too... i miss their energy and spirit to be honest. i'm not as big a
fan of the mealy-mouthed teacher's pet girls... i try to be nice to
them though...

not teaching as well as i know how, and trying not to get bummed out about it. barely ready for math by math time, and sometimes i just open the book and tell them to do some problems almost at random. another teacher told me it's like htat for the first year. i feel bad for them - they deserve better - but all i can do is my best.